08
Dec 2017
What if I told you that there are things that you can do that would improve both your individual and marital health? What if they were so easy that they did not involve studying, reading, individual or couples therapy, pastoral counseling or even a lot of contemplation? If you are like most people, you probably think that what I am about to say is too good to be true. Unfortunately, if you are like most couples, you overlook these simple steps that can set the stage for a healthier marriage and make......
Read More
08
Dec 2017
Picture yourself having an intimate, satisfying conversation with your spouse. What are you talking about and how do you feel while you are imagining the conversation? Now, picture yourself talking to your spouse about your finances. Did you get the same warm glow? Or do you find that like many couples your most hopeless and frustrating conversations are about money? Younger’s 2012 study and other similar studies on sources of marital conflict, reveals that money is the topic most likely to lead to a couple’s most severe and frequent arguments. It is......
Read More
08
Dec 2017
When you first decided to get married, what did you envision? Did you think about wonderful moments of togetherness as you encountered various life situations? Raising children? Serving your church or community as a couple? Growing old together? Chances are that you imagined many things that the two of you would do in synchrony, but you never imagined what would happen when the two of you were not working together so smoothly. Almost no one does. And then the inevitable happens. You realize that you and your spouse are not on the......
Read More
08
Dec 2017
Most couples begin their marriage with great enthusiasm for being in love and assume that they will stay in love with the same effortless ease that they first fell in love. The experience of passion and romance is so powerful and profound that it leads to expectations of eternal devotion. The problem for many couples, however, is that several factors lead to an inevitable demise in their sense of being in love with their partner. First, science shows us that during the first two years of a romantic relationship, endogenous opiates (our......
Read More
15
Feb 2006
This is a topic that no one likes to think about. What happens to your marriage when one of you becomes seriously ill, disabled or terminally ill? Every couple will have to deal with minor illnesses, such as colds and the flu, but not everyone has to learn to persevere and thrive when the conditions are really difficult. If you are honest, most couples just assume that this is something for those who have been married a very long time, the part of marriage that is reserved for the elderly. But what......
Read More
15
Jun 2005
One of the most profound and meaningful ways to show your love for your spouse is to be fully present. This means giving your spouse your undivided and whole-hearted attention without judgment, without expectation and for the sole purpose of savoring their presence. You probably know exactly what I mean. It happened when you fell in love, when you were content just to see and be in the presence of your beloved regardless of what happened, just so long as you were with them. Everything else faded into the background as you......
Read More
15
Apr 2003
Guaranteed Ways to Make Your Marriage Miserable There are some very damaging behaviors you can do that will guarantee the demise of your marriage. John Gottman, PhD and his team of researchers have been researching couples since the 1980’s. Their research shows us that 4 key behaviors make it impossible to cultivate or maintain the love, intimacy and teamwork you longed for when you first said your wedding vows. These 4 dangerous behaviors are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. They kill marriages. None of them has any usefulness in any marriage at......
Read More