08
Dec 2017
How often do you snuggle, kiss or keep in close physical contact with your cat, your dog, your toddler or your young grandchild just for the sheer pleasure of it? How often do you use cute insider names, or say, “I love you” to your pets, young children or grandkids? Now, be honest, when was the last time you did these same kind of things with your spouse? Do you give these signs of unbridled affection to your spouse with the same frequency and abandon that you devote to your pets or......
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08
Dec 2017
Ways to Help Make Your Marriage More Fun When long term married couples are asked the question, “What do you value most in your partner that has helped sustain your marriage?” the most frequent answer is “They make me laugh!” Research on the attributes that both men and women find attractive in their romantic partner indicates that the ability to laugh and have good humor is highly valued. Research on ways to develop good mental health also shows that good humor is vital to your mental well-being. Each time you laugh, your......
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08
Dec 2017
What if I told you that there are things that you can do that would improve both your individual and marital health? What if they were so easy that they did not involve studying, reading, individual or couples therapy, pastoral counseling or even a lot of contemplation? If you are like most people, you probably think that what I am about to say is too good to be true. Unfortunately, if you are like most couples, you overlook these simple steps that can set the stage for a healthier marriage and make......
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08
Dec 2017
Picture yourself having an intimate, satisfying conversation with your spouse. What are you talking about and how do you feel while you are imagining the conversation? Now, picture yourself talking to your spouse about your finances. Did you get the same warm glow? Or do you find that like many couples your most hopeless and frustrating conversations are about money? Younger’s 2012 study and other similar studies on sources of marital conflict, reveals that money is the topic most likely to lead to a couple’s most severe and frequent arguments. It is......
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08
Dec 2017
When you first decided to get married, what did you envision? Did you think about wonderful moments of togetherness as you encountered various life situations? Raising children? Serving your church or community as a couple? Growing old together? Chances are that you imagined many things that the two of you would do in synchrony, but you never imagined what would happen when the two of you were not working together so smoothly. Almost no one does. And then the inevitable happens. You realize that you and your spouse are not on the......
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08
Dec 2017
Most couples begin their marriage with great enthusiasm for being in love and assume that they will stay in love with the same effortless ease that they first fell in love. The experience of passion and romance is so powerful and profound that it leads to expectations of eternal devotion. The problem for many couples, however, is that several factors lead to an inevitable demise in their sense of being in love with their partner. First, science shows us that during the first two years of a romantic relationship, endogenous opiates (our......
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15
Jun 2005
One of the most profound and meaningful ways to show your love for your spouse is to be fully present. This means giving your spouse your undivided and whole-hearted attention without judgment, without expectation and for the sole purpose of savoring their presence. You probably know exactly what I mean. It happened when you fell in love, when you were content just to see and be in the presence of your beloved regardless of what happened, just so long as you were with them. Everything else faded into the background as you......
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15
Sep 2003
Getting Rid of Marital Resentment If you married a normal human being, chances are that you have some of those typical 10-12 unresolved areas of marital conflict that are causing you resentment. It is also likely that your sense of fair play makes it easy for you to accidentally keep a marriage balance book that adds up to feeling like things are not fair. For example, most women keep a balance sheet that indicates that their husband has a chores deficit, gift-giving deficit or romance deficit. Many men have a balance sheet......
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15
Apr 2003
Guaranteed Ways to Make Your Marriage Miserable There are some very damaging behaviors you can do that will guarantee the demise of your marriage. John Gottman, PhD and his team of researchers have been researching couples since the 1980’s. Their research shows us that 4 key behaviors make it impossible to cultivate or maintain the love, intimacy and teamwork you longed for when you first said your wedding vows. These 4 dangerous behaviors are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. They kill marriages. None of them has any usefulness in any marriage at......
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